And so the whole meaning of life
to me, was to keep me
satisfied. Even the nice
things I’d do for
people, I’d do them, not because I was nice, but because I knew that
somewhere down the line, there’d be a payoff for me. I guess you
could say I was just kind of a user, you know what I mean? And
what makes the whole story so scary, was that I was satisfied with
things … just the way they were. I wasn’t looking for some God
to come and bail me out. I’ve heard people say that inside of
each of us, there’s this God-shaped vacuum, and only God can come in
and fill that void. And I think that’s a pretty good
description. But at that point in my life, I didn’t feel any
void. Life was working just fine for me. And whether I had
sin or not ... I didn’t really even think about it. And I believe
now, that I could have gone the whole rest of my life, never coming to
know God, only to wake up one day in eternity, to a big surprise.
Because it’s awfully hard to find
something, when you’re not even looking
for it.
But July 26th, 1973, 2:30 in the morning, I woke up. I got
out of bed. I walked into my front room, knelt down … and put my
head on my piano bench. What was bugging me? Why couldn’t I
sleep? What was wrong?
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